Restless.

Time has come to change my mood. But time’s still unreliable.

You choose the pain, that crushes down at me. I’m here. In that small bureau. At that desk, the monitor in front of me. The radio plays the wrong music. And my mood mirrors the weather outside. It’s cold and it’s snowing. Winter hasn’t gone yet. Spring hasn’t got enough courage, to show its sun and its warm breeze. The weather is freaky cold and I don’t really know, what’s happening inside of me.

You are that girl, I can’t get out of my head. I thought, that everything will be alright. Will be alright, when you’ll meet me the next time. Nothing’s alright. Everything’s a mess. I don’t know, how you can do that. You have to power to make me small, to shut my eyes. I don’t want you to do that. But I’ve no possibility to change you. You won’t change. Nothing’s gonna change.

And I laugh. As it all comes crashing down. All comes down and I can’t save myself. Why can’t you just leave my life. Why can’t I just forget people I’ve known. Well, maybe, I don’t really want to erase you. That would go too far. Too far. Far too far. I don’t need you, but I don’t want to lose you. That would be horrible. As horrible as you are. You, and all your thoughts and feelings in my head and heart.