Restless.

Time has come to change my mood. But time’s still unreliable.

You choose the pain, that crushes down at me. I’m here. In that small bureau. At that desk, the monitor in front of me. The radio plays the wrong music. And my mood mirrors the weather outside. It’s cold and it’s snowing. Winter hasn’t gone yet. Spring hasn’t got enough courage, to show its sun and its warm breeze. The weather is freaky cold and I don’t really know, what’s happening inside of me.

You are that girl, I can’t get out of my head. I thought, that everything will be alright. Will be alright, when you’ll meet me the next time. Nothing’s alright. Everything’s a mess. I don’t know, how you can do that. You have to power to make me small, to shut my eyes. I don’t want you to do that. But I’ve no possibility to change you. You won’t change. Nothing’s gonna change.

And I laugh. As it all comes crashing down. All comes down and I can’t save myself. Why can’t you just leave my life. Why can’t I just forget people I’ve known. Well, maybe, I don’t really want to erase you. That would go too far. Too far. Far too far. I don’t need you, but I don’t want to lose you. That would be horrible. As horrible as you are. You, and all your thoughts and feelings in my head and heart.

Intimate Surprise.

Sometimes, there’s music, which sends shivers down my spine. That friday, I was able to hear something like that.  

Lisa Papineau.

I knew, that there must be a supporting band. But I must admit, that I’ve never really heard something about Lisa Papineau. That little woman, which changes the mood, when she enters the stage. With her two musicians, she made me stare at her. That enormously wonderful voice, it’s amazing. Their 1-hour-show brought me to the conclusion, that Lisa Papineau is a breath-taking band. Her smoothly and strong voice, these small parts of electronical stuff. After half a minute of the first song, I was happy, that I got the possibility to hear these band supporting the American Music Club. The most wonderful song was “Out To You”, which is the introsong on the first LP “Night Moves”. I enjoyed every minute of that concert.

I’m bleeding out my heart, until it’s dry.

American Music Club.

The word “cult” is used too often. But the American Music Club is one of the few active bands, which can be called a cult-band. With the opener “Only Love Can Set You Free” (LP: Love Songs For Patriots) the found the way to my heart. America’s greatest living lyricist (The Guardian), Mark Eitzel, is amazing. His appearance, his look (something between Yusuf Islam (full beard) and Pete Doherty (hat)). And his voice? Wonderful. If you don’t know the music at all, you wouldn’t expect such a great voice from that man.

You say that weakness is only
a way to give your heart to the enemy  

The most amazing song of that concert gave me the creeps. The song is called “The Windows To The World”. It’s really breathtaking and I’m looking forward to the day, when the new album “The Golden Age” will be part of my music-collection.

And.

At half past seven, I was the first one who bought a ticket to that concert. The first fifteen minutes, I was nearly alone in that waiting-room. It last one hour, till Lisa Papineau started the concert. And the location? It was a small cinema, 20 kilometres away from my home. There was place for, I think 140 people or something like that. It was a very intimate concert. I sat in the third-row seat. It was the most wonderful concert I’ve ever seen.

After the concert, I was able to speak to Lisa Papineau and we really shook hands. She’s a very nice woman, seems a little bit shy, but her amazing voice is so great. And, I must admit, I bought two CDs (big Sir and the first Lisa Papineau-LP “Night Moves). And, then I spoke to the new bassist of the American Music Club, to Sean and the new drummer Steve. These very nice men were so nice and funny. And yeah, I bought three CDs, and a shirt, as you can see at the picture. And well, that shirt was signed by Sean, Steve, Vudi and Mark!

Can you sign my T-shirt, please?
- Yeah. Sure.
Your show was amazing.
- Yeah. Sure.

Now, I’m in that famous union of people who hate Mark Eitzel. But hey, not really. I love his music and his lyrics and I’m so happy that Lisa Papineau was a part of that concert too. It was a wonderful friday. Thanks to Kino Ebensee and the organizers.

The Day After. Yesterday.

Today, I’m looking forward to the summer. And my life, after that time.

I haven’t been here for a long time. Today, it’s March 12th, and the last entry was published nearly twenty days ago. Although my mainblog, which is written in German, was updated daily, I wasn’t quite sure, what I should write here. Has anything happened in my life? Well, obviously not. I fell in love I had butterflies in my stomach, again. It was a good feeling, till I’ve recognized, that I’m the only one who feels that feeling. It wasn’t the first time, that something like that has happened to me. Yeah, and an 18-year-old girl, who works at my community service job, fell in love with me. I knew that, and some days ago, she was able to write her feelings in an e-mail. Now, I was that person, who didn’t have any feeling for her. Yes. That’s it.

I’m counting the days. Started with 274 days. Now, there are 37 days left. After those days, my community service will be over. And, well. It wasn’t that great thing, which would change my attitudes and my dreams. No. But now I know, that I don’t want such a job, which doesn’t really challenges me. And because I like writing, in my future my hobby becomes my work. I want to be a journalist, and an author. And yeah, I want to be an actor. I like dreaming, as you can see. But that are my dreams and I will do everything to reach the top.

Today, it’s raining. Grey clouds, and one ray of sunlight. Is it the end of the winter or the beginning of the spring? I don’t know. But I’m waiting. The most wonderful season is summer. No discussion. The sun and the lake, the free time and all the time with my friends. I love that time. And this will be the last summer, before the next part of my life. In October, I will begin to study. I will move to Vienna. Yeah, I’m afraid of that new thing. I’m always afraid of new things.

But everything, will be alright. I hope.

One last information. Some minutes ago my phone vibrated. A call from America or Great Britain. If I have time for a research. How funny. A research in English. But they looked for some managers or directors or something like that. When the nice woman heart that I’m just 19 years old, she was a little bit surprised. Said goodbye and wished me a nice day. How funny.