The Countdown.
8. January 2008
It’s not important to use any stupid phrases for telling you, that something has changed.
One number. From seven to eight. Yeah, this entry comes far too late, but I wasn’t really motivated to tell you something about me during my so-called holidays. Well, I had to work, but I was alone at home. Me, myself and I.
New Year’s Eve was very nice. I spent the time with some friends, drinking non-alcoholic drinks, watching the fireworks all around us and laughing about things, which only we can understand. My plans were different, I admit. I wanted to spend that time at home, watching stupid TV-stuff, drinking alcohol and going to bed at 1 am. But it was a good decision to join that party.
The next few days – I was alone at home – I decided to drive to my grandmother’s home. That’s the place were the family spent time together. In that house, there lives my cousin with his wife and his son. And, since two months after that tragedy, my sister and her friend too. Spending time with that girl, I’m related to. The girl, I sometimes tried to hate. But time has changed. My sister has become a wonderful part in my idea of family.
It was a strange time. I nearly ate anything. But the time was wonderful. And although I loved that time, I was happy, when my parents came back from their holidays. It was good to have a fulfilled home. To talk about my last therapy-session. And smoke some cigarettes with my mother.
Last Thursday, I was at the graveyard at my nephew’s grave. And thinking about the things I’ve planned to do with him, and thinking of the smile he brought to my mother’s face, and the tears that followed. And still follow.
At the turn of the year, after the countdown and the start of the waltz, my thoughts go through the last year. It was a wonderful year. I finished my school, got my driving-licence, and had ten wonderful months. Till the death of my nephew, the year changed. Well, I was melancholic the whole year through, because the end of my relationship to a girl, and all the strange feelings I had. But the surprising death made the world a little bit darker. And more dreadful. He’s now on the brighter side. And my world, the world I live in, lightens up too.
Life has changed, but there won’t be any time, where everything stands still. And I didn’t make any promises at New Year’s Eve. I won’t stop smoking, won’t stop everything I like. I just said: “This year will be better than the last one.” And the last one was, except the last two months, a good year. This year will be better.
