Why do things have to change. Again. And Again.
Now I’m lying in my bed, enormously tired but still awake. Where are you? My live, which always tries to show me the good things in it. Today I feel the hatred inside me. Everything feels strange, bad and everything has changed. And I don’t like change at all. It’s hard to live in this new life, although it still feels like my old one. My working day at the community service was horrible, my boss was crazy, and I myself was tired and tried to get access to the worldwideweb.
It’s hard to believe, that no one can stay the same. Now, I’m at the point, where I hate to go back to the community service at all. It’s a dreadful feeling, but I don’t have any connection to my work, I feel senseless and strange. I don’t know. No one ever could feel the way I do. About everything. Everyone. Damn. Life’s a piece of shit.
At home, everything seems very normal, everything has its routine. It won’t take long till I will find my way back into it. But I think that something must change, everywhere, in every part of that amazing life. Because today I feel a little bit burnt out. And yeah, it’s not a great feeling. And so I will close my eyes for today. I would like to dream, would like to see everything back at its right place. I don’t like the chaos. Don’t like it at all.
If this teddy could talk, what would he say. That’s the teddy of my nephew, who died three months ago. Now this picture and the teddy stand on that table, which looks like an altar. What would he say.
