Blue Eyes.

Listening to the great soundtrack of Garden State. Lying in my bed and remembering so many things, which I thought I’ve already forgotten.

After a long day, with all the ups and downs, I’m lying here. Nearly sleeping. I try to think about my activities today. Nothing really happens. Doing my community service, drinking litres of coffee and hoping that the working day ends. Sleeping in the train, feeling sick of all my thoughts. Looking at my nephews picture again and again. Try to forget, try to change. And I always come back to the reality. That reality I try to hate. Because of its awful truth.

My crying mother, who can’t go on with that feelings of mourning in her head. My daddy, who can’t really realize. My sister, who try to overdo the experiment of coming back to routine. And all the sun, that shines so brightly. With it’s full power. And it’s warm energy. The wheather is getting better, but I don’t really realize, what’s going on, out there.

I’ve lost my sense of time. It seems as if he died years ago. And on the other hand the memories of him appear so near. So that I always hope, that he comes through that door, smiling, with his energy and his grace. But he’s dead. Only his soul is somewhere around us. I like the idea, that my nephew is now an angel. Somewhere over the rainbow. On the brighter side. I like that idea. It feels good to know, that now he has a wonderful “life” there.

I myself try to contact my former professor of psychology. I want to speak with her. For me, it seems very important to speak about my interior feelings. Something I not really can. Yeah. That entry brings me back to my routine, to the life I’m living in. I hope you enjoy my words. And I want to thank everyone for the comments! Thanks!

And yeah. He had blue eyes. Like my ones.