Support. The Peaceful. Revolution.

International bloggers are preparing an action to support the peaceful revolution in Burma. We want to set a sign for freedom and show our sympathy for these people who are fighting their cruel regime without weapons. These Bloggers are planning to refrain from posting to their blogs on October 4 and just put up one Banner then, underlined with the words „Free Burma!“.

Link 1

Keep The. Car Running.

After two hard days, which I spent all the time with drinking alcohol, because of a friends birthday and the reunion of some friendships I have to remember all these things that I’ve done.

Friday, we celebrate with David, a friend of us, which works in Salzburg as a chef, and therefore he left our smallest circle of friends, unfortunately. And so we drank wodka and wine, rum and gin, before we left the house of a friend and went to the city.  And after drinking as many drinks as possible (Tequila Sunrise, Wodka Red Bull etc.) we, David and I, had to vomit. Like that one cold day in January 06. Well, and after going back to my car, I slept in there, till it was too cold. Well, and after five or six hours of sleeping under a carpet I thought that I could drive home.

And yesterday, we partied the birthday of Stefan. And because I got headache in the afternoon I didn’t drinke any alcohol. And I think it was a very good idea to do this. At 1 am we were at Stefan’s house, and till 4 am we spent our time at the city. And where did I slept yesterday? At my best friends’ guest bed. And today at 9 am I came home.

You can imagine, that today I’m so bloody tired. And in these two days I lost my leather jacket and my cap. Argh. But in summary it was a very good weekend. And what did I do today? Hardly anything. But I watched the championship of vaulting, where the team of my ex-girlfriend won. And now, I’m filling up my blogs with new stuff.

Oh, I recognized, that my last post was at Sept. 16, 2007. So what has happened in this week? At Monday (9-17), I celebrate with two friends. At Tuesday (9-18) I watched “Little Miss Sunshine” at the theatre (:: a wonderful film). At Wednesday (9-19) I had a coffee with a good friend. At Thursday (9-20) I had to sleep, well, I really slept 10 hours, and normally I “only” need 7 or something. Well, and what I did at Friday and Saturday (9-21 // 9-22), you can read below.

What’s up with my feelings and thoughts? Well, I fell in love with this one girl, her name is Melanie. But I think that’s there is no chance, because we don’t have any possibility to speak longer than 2 minutes. She has a wonderful face, she’s beautiful and lovely. But I don’t try anything at all. Well, and last weekend I got a flashback of my feelings for my ex-girlfriend. And I don’t know really why. But now I don’t understand my feelings at all.

Well, and because I need 7 hours to be well rested I have to finish this post, good night (it’s 10 pm CET)

Tears Don’t Dry. On Their Own.

Too many sacred tears. Too many sleepless nights. And I still don’t know what to do with myself, my feelings and my thoughts. Should I play the famous “Everything’s OK”-role. I could. But i know that it won’t take long till I want to get rid of it.

Should I cry? And no. Crying isn’t something for lost souls and women. It’s one of the very few possibilitiesto show your feelings. You cry if you’re enourmosly happy and naturally if you’re sad.

The very last time I’ve cried in honesty was that time, when I heard about my grandfather’s death. I raninto my room locked the door and listened to Last Resort by Papa Roach. And at this time I’ve cried nearly half an hour. After that I haven’t cried about the death of my grandpa anymore. Never ever.

My grandfather died in 2002. Why do I think, thatI haven’t cried since this time? Well, I must admit, that I’ve lost many tears since that time. But I always cried because of my own self-pity. And I don’t like these tears. They aren’t my true emotions. And if only can cry, when somebody died, I don’t want to cry anymore.

But you feel much better after you’ve bursted into tears, don’t you? And I have to say to Amy Winehouse, that she’s wrong. Tears Don’t Dry On Their Own. They absolutely don’t. And maybe I can cry because of a wonderful relationship. Or just because of a wonderful day with the person I love.

F-Stop. Blues

You see at me, like I were the very first person you see in your life. With your wonderful eyes, and your amazing smile. You seem to me as one of the most wonderful girls I’ve ever seen. I can’t say, that I love your kind of female. Because you have blonde, brown or black hair. I think that’s more than unimportant. Since my eyes had touched your face, I can’t forget you. I can’t stop thinking of you.

And I really don’t know what I should do. Although I thought, that my life’s getting better, it seems to change again. I don’t know. It’s a fuckin’ damn friday, with nothing to do, a big amount of tiredness. I thought my life would change. I thought. Fuck.

Well, yesterday I finished reading “The Catcher In The Rye”. And I must admit, that I really like the story of J. D. Sailinger. And it’s true. Love isn’t easy. And growing-up too. And I can understand, why the author uses the word “fuck” more than eighty times.

I hate myself for loving. I hate myself for leaving. I hate myself for hating.

Unfortunately I’ve to leave this working-place. I’ve to finish this working-week. It was a very good week. And I hope that it will get better again.

Take. What’s Left Of This. Heart.

Well, why did I? Why couldn’t I live my life without falling in love. Why can’t I live without the feeling of love? Oh, that’s human. Well, okay. Then, I don’t want to be a human any more. Incubus says the right words. Love Hurts. Yeah, sometimes it’s a good hurt. But fuck, love hurts. Do you want to know what had happened? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I was searching her name with Google and found out that she’s far too young. She’s at the same age as my ex-girlfriend. And I know that’s the wrong age for women to get engaged. Damn shit. I don’t know what to do with my feelings, with my pain, and all the thoughts, that are living in my head. It’s stupid to speak of love. I thought I’ve already felt true love. But fuck, this feeling right now sucks. It hurts. I would like to cry. But I can’t. I cannot cry. Today on the way home from my community service I want to write a text about crying. It’s a very strange thing. The last time I’ve cried in honesty was the time when my grandpa died. Twothousandtwo. And I want to write a text, which makes me cry. And my readers at Neon Wilderness.

I hate Love. I love Love. Ahrg, another fuckin’ love-hate relationship. I want to feel true love. Yes, I know, it sounds very kitschy. But I really want to. And I want to sleep next to someone I really love. Boah, fuck. Those are the dreams, a single like me has.

The title is a phrase of the song “Cocoon” by Jack Johnson.

Well based on your smile
I’m betting all of this
Might be over soon
But your bound to win
Cause if I’m betting against you
I think I’d rather lose

And I don’t want to be your regret
I’d rather be your cocoon

So please
Let me take what’s left of your heart and I will use
I swear I’ll use only what I need
I know you only have so little
So please
Let me mend my broken heart and leave.

lyric